Kate

dropped Katelin off at the airport last night. She is going to spend a week in D.C. with 25 other kids from her school. It is really hard to put into words the way I am feeling right now. For the last 2 years I have poured my entire being into mothering her. Technically I am her step-mother. But I treat her like my own daughter. I love her like my own daughter. I worry about her like my own daughter. I haven't spent any amount of extended time away from her since the moment I married her dad. I have kissed her goodnight everynight for the last 2 years. But... since I did not give birth to her, my mothering instincts aren't as intense as they should be. Like when she throws up, I am not biologically thrown into the mode of caretaker/puke cleaner upper like I am when Grace tosses her cookies. It takes me a second, that's all. So when she left last night I was curious as to how much I was going to worry about her. Well I have worried a lot. I had the hardest time falling asleep. And when I did fall asleep I tossed and turned and woke up over and over. I kept wondering exactly where she was in the air. I worry that she ate a good breakfast this morning. I worry that someone is picking on her. I worry that some greasy old man is ogling her body. I worry that she is going to turn around and see her entire group has dissapeared. My mind is racing!!! I guess that's a good thing though. Maybe I am more of a mother than I thought I was. Man I am going to miss that little girl!

Time is flying

We are celebrating Parker's birthday tomorrow. I can't believe it.
It seems like yesterday I was pregnant and ready to burst. I spent most evenings sitting at the kitchen table watching Jeff work on his computer. I would just sit there and complain. About my back hurting, or my feet hurting, or my ass hurting, or my boobs being too big, or my bellybutton sticking out too far, or my clothes all being too tight, or being to tired, or the house not being clean enough...
I had a false labor on the 2nd of March. I labored all night long. I went to the birth center and got in the tub and everything stopped. The midwives tried for hours to get my labor started again. But, my body just wasn't ready to have that baby. I went home at 8:00am. I was 7cm dilated. I cried. I felt like a failure. I went home and got some much needed rest. By the end of the day it was all moot. Becasue I had science projects to finish with the kids, and I still needed to organize the laundry "cave" before my parents came, and I still needed to pack stuff up for the kids so they could stay at their grandparents house.
I finally went into labor 5 days later. Man was it fast. The new Harry Potter movie came out that day. Jeff ran to the store to buy it, and I started popping popcorn. While he was gone, my tummy started to ache. I figured I just ahd to poop or something! I really didn't think anything of it. We settled in to watch the movie. I layed my head on Jeff's lap and heard a loud pop. We both thought my back had popped. About fifteen minutes into the movie I got up to pee. I stood up and my waters literally splashed on the floor. I started having violent contractions...fast and hard. Within 15 minutes we had all the kids out of their beds and in the car. We dropped them off at about 11:15. I remember standing at the front door, with my left hand propped up against the wall. Jeff eas making all sorts of small talk with Nana and Papa. And it looked like he was really far away. I was really wishing I had taken some sort of birthing class. It hurt. A lot. We got to the birth center at midnight. The birth tub was full. I skipped that for fear that everything would halt. I spent the next 3 hours in the shower. Jeff stood outside the stall while I moaned. He rubbed my back and my scalp, all the while I cried and threatened to schedule a vastectomy the next day. Ha! I got stuck at 9cm. And his head wouldn't come down. So the midwives had to try some pretty invasive techniques. Ouch. I gave up and hopped in the tub. I told the midwives to step out and for Jeff to give me a break. After about 5 minutes I felt this intense feeling sweep over my whole body. I propped myself up on my knees. I felt like a vacuum was sucking my entire body upward and the force of gravity was pulling the baby down. I screamed "NOW!! I am having this baby right NOW!" The midwives rushed back in, and Jeff rushed back to my side. I gave 3 or 4 big pushes and the baby popped out. Hand first. Ouch again. 3:34am They put the baby on my chest and we sat in the warm water for a few minutes. Everybody in the room was sobbing. I can't remember how long it was until the midwife lifted up a leg and all his junk fell out. A boy! Jeff and I were shocked. We still can,t believe he is a boy. I stayed in the tub for a while just staring at him and nursing him. He was plump, but I kept thinking to myself that he wasn't really that big. I got out of the tub and cut his cord and cleaned him up and then they weighed him. 10 pounds 9 ounces. Did I already say ouch? But, I did it. All by myself. I am still amazed that my body had the ability to do such a thing.
It has been a whole year. Here I am sitting at the kitchen table again. I am waiting for his cake to finish cooking in the oven. He is busy rearranging the chairs. So busy all the time. We are all so busy all the time.
I wish I could make time stand still. I wish I could hand on to his chubby little hand forever. I wish I could wake up to his wet open-mouthed kisses forever. I wish I could look into his needy little eyes forever. But, I guess time will keep on flying..........

The fam

People are always asking me questions about the kids. So I will just give everyone the run down. My husband already had four kids when I met him. 3 girls and a boy. Katelin, Hannah, Jordan, and Miles. He has full legal and physical custody of them. They have supervised visitation with their egg donor, I mean mom, for a couple hours once a week. I only had one...a little girl, Grace. We got married. Then about 4 weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I started staying home with them full time, since rasing 5 kids and being pregnant is a full time job in itself. Parker was born in March 2006. Jeff adopted Grace in July 2006. They all call me mom. When people ask me how many children I have, I say 6. I am their mother in any and every way a person can be a mother. And, yes..I am happy