Motha's day

Mother's day was this weekend. I have never felt more blessed or loved in my entire life. I woke up at 10 minutes to 7 with 2 of the most adorable boys in my bed. Miles and Parker. Miles was behind me with his head resting on my shoulder softly scratching my back. Parker was nuzzled up to my tummy sleeping soundly. Miles had to remind me to stay in bed for a really long time. I managed to stay for about 10 minutes. I have to be up by 7 to have 6 kids ready for church by 10:30. When I made it up to the kitchen and dining room I was greeted with decorations and posters and flowers. It was so darn sweet seeing their little handmade posters and cards scotch taped to the wall. They made me a breakfast that was edible and coffee that was even better! They presented me with all their gifts. Grace found an Easter egg in the woods behind our house that she cleaned and wrapped for me. Miles planted a sunflower in a pot for me and made me a "super awesome" keychain. Jordan painted some daisies for me. Hannah made a scrapbook with pictures of all the kids for me. Katelin was home safely from her trip in D.C. As I opened each present, I could see their little faces light up. I remember that feeling. I remember watching my mom open presents from us and having that horrible nagging feeling that she was going to be disappointed. No matter what it was she always loved it. Even if they were Christmas bulb earrings. So it was really exciting for me to have the roles reversed and watch them fill with pride at the treasure they had given me.For the first time ever, I think, we made it to church early. The service was good. They had little mothers day games a the beginning. I was sure that I was going to be the mother with the most kids at home. Nope. Some crazy old woman has 11. About halfway between the sermon I walked out with my screaming toddler. It dawned on me that I don't think I have heard an entire sermon in 4 and a half years. Oh well one day. One day I'll get to sit through and entire church service. The important thing is that I am bringing the kids...right?We spent the rest of the day just hanging out. I even got to take a nap. Jeff took the kids and I out to supper at Golden Corral. I was kind of bummed by this choice because it seems like so much work for me. Constantly escorting kids to the buffet and clearing their plates out of the way. But Jeff rocked. He made sure I got to actually sit and eat an entire plate of food. The best thing was I only ended up cleaning up one spilled drink!Later that night Katelin presented me with her present. She had scraped and saved, and even resisted buying little trinkets in D.C. so she could buy me a necklace. A real one that came in a box. It had six itty bitty little diamonds on it. One for each kid. She was really proud of herself. And I was proud of her too. She really is a sweet girl. I went to bed that night feeling incredibly blissful. I am so lucky to have the husband I have. He is an amazing father and husband. He never lets me down. He never makes me sit and wish about the things I wish he would have done. He has done an awesome job at teaching these kids to put others first. Teaching them how to love. I finally feel like a mother. And I love it.

Kate

dropped Katelin off at the airport last night. She is going to spend a week in D.C. with 25 other kids from her school. It is really hard to put into words the way I am feeling right now. For the last 2 years I have poured my entire being into mothering her. Technically I am her step-mother. But I treat her like my own daughter. I love her like my own daughter. I worry about her like my own daughter. I haven't spent any amount of extended time away from her since the moment I married her dad. I have kissed her goodnight everynight for the last 2 years. But... since I did not give birth to her, my mothering instincts aren't as intense as they should be. Like when she throws up, I am not biologically thrown into the mode of caretaker/puke cleaner upper like I am when Grace tosses her cookies. It takes me a second, that's all. So when she left last night I was curious as to how much I was going to worry about her. Well I have worried a lot. I had the hardest time falling asleep. And when I did fall asleep I tossed and turned and woke up over and over. I kept wondering exactly where she was in the air. I worry that she ate a good breakfast this morning. I worry that someone is picking on her. I worry that some greasy old man is ogling her body. I worry that she is going to turn around and see her entire group has dissapeared. My mind is racing!!! I guess that's a good thing though. Maybe I am more of a mother than I thought I was. Man I am going to miss that little girl!

Why???

Why is it that when I worked for a public school I counted every freaking day until Spring Break, and now that I have kids home on Spring Break I am counting the hours until it is over??
They must want me dead. The school district that is, not the kids....I think.

Time is flying

We are celebrating Parker's birthday tomorrow. I can't believe it.
It seems like yesterday I was pregnant and ready to burst. I spent most evenings sitting at the kitchen table watching Jeff work on his computer. I would just sit there and complain. About my back hurting, or my feet hurting, or my ass hurting, or my boobs being too big, or my bellybutton sticking out too far, or my clothes all being too tight, or being to tired, or the house not being clean enough...
I had a false labor on the 2nd of March. I labored all night long. I went to the birth center and got in the tub and everything stopped. The midwives tried for hours to get my labor started again. But, my body just wasn't ready to have that baby. I went home at 8:00am. I was 7cm dilated. I cried. I felt like a failure. I went home and got some much needed rest. By the end of the day it was all moot. Becasue I had science projects to finish with the kids, and I still needed to organize the laundry "cave" before my parents came, and I still needed to pack stuff up for the kids so they could stay at their grandparents house.
I finally went into labor 5 days later. Man was it fast. The new Harry Potter movie came out that day. Jeff ran to the store to buy it, and I started popping popcorn. While he was gone, my tummy started to ache. I figured I just ahd to poop or something! I really didn't think anything of it. We settled in to watch the movie. I layed my head on Jeff's lap and heard a loud pop. We both thought my back had popped. About fifteen minutes into the movie I got up to pee. I stood up and my waters literally splashed on the floor. I started having violent contractions...fast and hard. Within 15 minutes we had all the kids out of their beds and in the car. We dropped them off at about 11:15. I remember standing at the front door, with my left hand propped up against the wall. Jeff eas making all sorts of small talk with Nana and Papa. And it looked like he was really far away. I was really wishing I had taken some sort of birthing class. It hurt. A lot. We got to the birth center at midnight. The birth tub was full. I skipped that for fear that everything would halt. I spent the next 3 hours in the shower. Jeff stood outside the stall while I moaned. He rubbed my back and my scalp, all the while I cried and threatened to schedule a vastectomy the next day. Ha! I got stuck at 9cm. And his head wouldn't come down. So the midwives had to try some pretty invasive techniques. Ouch. I gave up and hopped in the tub. I told the midwives to step out and for Jeff to give me a break. After about 5 minutes I felt this intense feeling sweep over my whole body. I propped myself up on my knees. I felt like a vacuum was sucking my entire body upward and the force of gravity was pulling the baby down. I screamed "NOW!! I am having this baby right NOW!" The midwives rushed back in, and Jeff rushed back to my side. I gave 3 or 4 big pushes and the baby popped out. Hand first. Ouch again. 3:34am They put the baby on my chest and we sat in the warm water for a few minutes. Everybody in the room was sobbing. I can't remember how long it was until the midwife lifted up a leg and all his junk fell out. A boy! Jeff and I were shocked. We still can,t believe he is a boy. I stayed in the tub for a while just staring at him and nursing him. He was plump, but I kept thinking to myself that he wasn't really that big. I got out of the tub and cut his cord and cleaned him up and then they weighed him. 10 pounds 9 ounces. Did I already say ouch? But, I did it. All by myself. I am still amazed that my body had the ability to do such a thing.
It has been a whole year. Here I am sitting at the kitchen table again. I am waiting for his cake to finish cooking in the oven. He is busy rearranging the chairs. So busy all the time. We are all so busy all the time.
I wish I could make time stand still. I wish I could hand on to his chubby little hand forever. I wish I could wake up to his wet open-mouthed kisses forever. I wish I could look into his needy little eyes forever. But, I guess time will keep on flying..........

Cry me a river

No. I am not crying right now. But I did a whole bunch today. I cried outside Katelin's school. I fell in the parking lot. In front of people. While holding the baby. Then I cried at the orthodontist's office. Again in front of people. Because they wanted a thousand dollars today. I cried on the phone with Jeff. This time not in front of people. I cried because we didn't have any french bread for dinner. Then he bought some. And he also bought some cookie dough. So everything is fine, now

The fam

People are always asking me questions about the kids. So I will just give everyone the run down. My husband already had four kids when I met him. 3 girls and a boy. Katelin, Hannah, Jordan, and Miles. He has full legal and physical custody of them. They have supervised visitation with their egg donor, I mean mom, for a couple hours once a week. I only had one...a little girl, Grace. We got married. Then about 4 weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. I started staying home with them full time, since rasing 5 kids and being pregnant is a full time job in itself. Parker was born in March 2006. Jeff adopted Grace in July 2006. They all call me mom. When people ask me how many children I have, I say 6. I am their mother in any and every way a person can be a mother. And, yes..I am happy

Some people

ff and I took the kids out to Boston Pizza. That's fancy for us. We went at around 2 pm, because bringing 6 kids to a restaurant can be kind of a challenge. The place was empty-ish. There was a table with some teenagers near the door. While we were waiting for them to shove some tables together, I hear someone counting. And then arguing. And then more counting. I realized she was counting my kids. By the time we got to the table, she has stood up on her chair, she said "See, I told you...1 2 3 4 5 6!" I looked at her and said "Congratulations, 6 is a really high number to count to." I honestly don't think she got it. We got our drinks and ordered our food, and of course Parker couldn't wait. He was hungry and tired and wanted to let everyone within earshot know. To calm him down, and allow other people to eat, I decided to nurse him. As he was 'assuming the position' I heard the woman behind me pipe up. "Oh my god. No! She isn't! She is not going to do that right here. No! Oh my gosh! Oh. My. Gosh. She is. She is doing THAT right here in the middle of the restaurant. Don't you look over there, don't you look!" Mind you, I was merely nursing a baby, not masturbating, at the table. So I nursed the baby and he shut up. I sat him on my lap for a few minutes and shoved crackers into his face. The lovely woman, who was sitting behind me, and her family left. They bus boy came and cleared their table. Then he washed the table. But, not without spraying my entire back with cleaning solution. Awesome. All in all, our fancy lunch/dinner was good. Nobody spilled a drink. Nobody cried. Nobody complained. Nobody embarrassed me. If it wasn't for other people, we would eat out way more often.