I finally understand

For lack of a better word, I call myself a "housewife." I finally understand the true meaning of this word. I spend more time cleaning and maintaining my house and it's inhabitants in a single day than I do having sex with my husband all week.

I got up at 5:45am today. I nursed a baby. I drove a kid to early morning yazz band rehearsal. I straightened one daughter's hair and curled another's...how ironic. I showered and blow dried my own hair. I ironed 2 outfits. I made grits and turkey bacon. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I wiped counters and appliances. I swept the kitchen and dining room floors. I got on my hands and knees and washed the floor with vinegar and water. I supervised one shower. I washed 3 faces and six hands. I got one baby dressed and one preschooler dressed. I made 2 beds. I folded 2 loads of laundry. I tripped over 3 barbies. I changed 3 diapers, one full of runny sticky poop. I drove one kid to early choir practice. I walked another kid to the bus. I took a very gassy dog out 3 times. I read 4 stories. I had one lengthy phone call with a principal. I drank 4 cups of coffee and spilled one. I nursed a baby, again, and put him down for a nap. I went to he bathroom...with the door closed! I french braided an unruly head of hair. All of this well before 10:00am. So far I have "managed" my house for 4 hours and 15 minutes, and I've only just begun.

I have sex at least 4 times a week. So that's 1 hour times approximately 5. I have sex for 5 hours a week.

I guess the term "housewife" is completely suitable. I'm married to my house. Does that mean I'm having an affair with my husband? Oooh! That suddenly makes things all the more exciting.