Never

Here is a short list of things that would never come out of my mouth:
"I love getting up at 6 am."
"Oooh! Make me a sandwich with cold meat!"
"I love being pregnant!"
"I love breastfeeding a giant toddler!"
"I wish I had more laundry to do."
"I hate having a job and feeling productive."
"Sure, I'd love extra tomatoes on my salad."
"Gee, I wish I had more time to watch My Super Sweet 16!"
"No thanks. I don't need a pedicure."
"I think it is so cool how strangers point out that my "hands must be full.""
"I never surf the internet mindlessly."
"I hate Cocoa Pebbles."
"I wish I was pregnant right now."
"Don't bother putting your dishes in the sink."
"Dogs are awesome, I wish I had three!"
"I love it when people count my kids at Fred Meyer."
"Gosh the sink has NO dishes in it."
"Weird. You kids are being soooo quiet!"
"I wish more people would whistle!"
"You kids sit back and relax while I do the dishes."
"We should watch Spongebob Squarepants!"
"Let's watch the Hannah Montana marathon!"
"I have too much clothes!"
"Summer sucks, I can't wait for winter."
"We should get a puppy."
"There just aren't enough coffee stands around here."
"I love hearing you kids bicker!"
"Who wants another cupcake?"
"Cooking for 8 is my favorite thing to do!"
"I love my body!!"
"I love to exercise!"
"I have way too much free time!"
"Craigslist? What's Craigslist??"
"I wish more strangers would ask me if I was running some sort of school."
"I love when people ask me if we are on foodstamps or welfare."
"I just can't get enough of the kids screaming my name!"
"I am so happy the baby learned how to yell MOM."
"I am a MILF!"
"Gee honey. You are so talented, the way you add fart noises to every song on the radio."
"I get so much accomplished during the day!"
"Humming is a talent!"
"I would never leave Alaska."
"People from Wasilla are so classy."